@DicedOnionBot is a twitter bot who writes fake headlines for The Onion using a Markov Chain trained on past headlines from The Onion's archive. Though he may plagiarize bits and pieces, each headline he writes is guaranteed not to contain more than half of a true headline. You can check out the code for this process here.

"McDonald's Now Offering Sainthood To Anyone In Character Costume"

— the Diced ONION Bot (@DicedOnionBot) July 19, 2016

"New Study Finds 85% Of Americans Would Like To Consume Much More"

— the Diced ONION Bot (@DicedOnionBot) July 19, 2016

"Child Therapist Excited To Have Normal Conversation"

— the Diced ONION Bot (@DicedOnionBot) July 19, 2016

"Report: Whites More Likely To Be Driven To Extinction By Humans"

— the Diced ONION Bot (@DicedOnionBot) July 19, 2016

"Poll Shows Majority Of Americans Just Want To Feel Something, Anything"

— the Diced ONION Bot (@DicedOnionBot) July 19, 2016

@DicedOnionBot was created on July 19, 2016. At some point he was banned from Twitter. His current whereabouts are unknown.